Trees

My new yard has trees! I haven't had trees since I lived on Long Island, 15 years ago. I so began to miss trees living in New Mexico. It's not that there are no trees in New Mexico, just not very many where I lived. The man next door had three young trees along our property line. They were just large enough to provide a bit of shade on the east side of the house. The shade they offered allowed me to plant a very small flower garden under their protection. Well, one day, I hear a noise...some type of machine sound...outside my east facing bedroom. I go to the front door, open it to see if my worst fear is coming true, and there he is - lopping off the limbs of all three trees. I asked him, "WHY?" He says they were getting too big and he couldn't take care of them. From then on, no little flower garden and, no more trees.

About two years ago, I decided I must have trees. I needed some lushness (don't think that's a word) in my life. When my husband and I went house hunting, green was my number one priority. We didn't want a huge yard, but we wanted some grass and trees. We found, what I think is the perfect place. Our backyard looks like a small park! Grass, trees! It makes me so happy. We moved in last August. This is our first spring in Colorado. It is fantastic to watch new life unfolding all around me. Little perennials are beginning to grow. I'm not sure what any of them are yet...little gifts waiting to be unwrapped.

Today, I bought two hanging planters, twelve purple petunias, potting soil, and a watering can. I planted the flowers in the pots and hung them from the grape arbor in the yard. Yes, we even have grapes! I plan to create a moon garden. Most of the flowers will be white. All will be fragrant in the evening. Some flowers will only open under the cover of darkness...mysterious and lovely. It will take planning and patience to get it right. It will probably take a few years before it all comes together. That's OK. I've got time.

Deity

Often, in this blog, I will use the terms, the universe, the powers that be, source energy, universal force...all alternative names for what is commonly known as God. I'm not comfortable with the term God, as all inclusive of the divine. It's not that I don't believe in a sacred entity...I do. The word, God, for me, conjures up images of a man, sitting on a big throne, in a place often called, heaven. It makes God seem very far away.

I don't relate to the concept of God as a being. I see deity as more of a force, or source of divine energy, running through all that is. I don't see source as separate from, but a part of, everything. I do believe calling upon aspects of source energy, in the form of gods and goddesses, to be useful in certain circumstances, such as prayer or meditation. After all, these archetypes are aspects of source energy.

There was a time, many millennia ago, when the ancients worshipped both masculine and feminine aspects of the sacred. They saw this reflected everywhere in nature, which is, I believe to be source's premier way of showing itself to us. I must confess to resenting the newer religions all but eradicating the sacred feminine. I believe this has created a tremendous imbalance in the world...one which is slowly being righted.

I believe everyone has the right to their beliefs, providing they do not harm anyone. What works for one person may not work for another. I respect that. Learning to stay connected to the sacred source is such a big part of who I am, as I know it is for so many others, regardless of what name it is given.


Namaste.

Transcendence

I just got home from school. It's getting crazier by the minute there. The kids and staff are restless and wanting to put an end to another school year. I'm ready for a vacation. I didn't get much of one last year. I spent the first part of the summer looking for houses, trying to get a mortgage, and looking for a teaching position. When all that was taken care of, I had to come up to Colorado to take a workshop for a week. My husband was left to start packing our things in New Mexico. A week later, we moved, and the next week, school began. I went from teaching groups of six first graders to classes of between twenty-five and thirty eighth graders. It was like going from Nirvana (well, not quite) into Dante's ninth circle of hell (well, not quite, but close enough.) I felt sick to my stomach almost everyday for the first couple of weeks. I was terrified. Every morning, when the kids finished breakfast, down in the commons, and started leaping up the stairs I thought I'd leap out of my skin. Picture it... 125 thirteen and fourteen year olds piling into the eighth grade "pod." Kids can "smell" fear and feelings of inadequacy, and, often, they will go in for the "kill." The first few months were very tough. They challenged me, and I desperately tried to maintain control.

Things are better now. I've worked through my fears, which, of course, had nothing to do with the kids. I've learned a great deal about myself by looking at the people and situations the universe has put "in my face." What was I truly afraid of? I was afraid I wasn't up to the task. A very old voice was calling to me saying, "You're not good enough. You're not worthy of their respect." Intellectually, I know that's not true, but old thought patterns die hard. This year's teaching experience has allowed me to get a better picture of what I want and don't want in my life. I'm grateful for the experience. Since I'm new to the district, I'm waiting to hear about next year's assignment. I'm pretty sure I'll have a job, I'm just not sure where, or what , it will be. I'm not worried. No doubt the universe has a plan to move me further along my path. For the moment, I'd like to find a place to rest, just off the path... a nice, grassy spot, next to a bubbling stream, where I can listen to the voice of creation.

Introductions

I've always wanted to be a writer. Now that I've created this blog, I know at least part of the reason I'm having such a hard time writing...I'm terrified of revealing myself. I'm afraid I'll be judged for my beliefs. I'm worried that what I have to say no one will want to read. Well, I'm going to chance it. After all, what's the worst that could happen?

I've always thought my first book would be called, The Long Road Home. It is going to be a book of essays, or short pieces, about my search for myself...my authentic self...the person I was meant to be when I arrived on this planet. Most of us have been conditioned by parents, society, and thousands of years of civilization, to be people who "fit in" to this physical realm in an acceptable manner. We are women, men,wives, husbands, daughters, sons...you get my drift. These roles allow us to function in this world. It is from these perspectives that we get to enjoy what this life has to offer. And, its offerings are varied and oh so sweet. A question to ponder... If life is so sweet, why are so many people so very unhappy? Perhaps, there is more. Maybe there are other realms to be explored.

In the meantime, I'd like to tell you a bit about myself. I was born and raised on Long Island. I lived there for 39 years. One day, I decided I was going to visit New Mexico. The idea just popped into my head, or did it? That's a question for another time. Anyway, I decided to go on a vacation to check it out. I'd only been on one other big trip - a cruise to Bermuda. I'd never flown and, quite frankly, was terrified of being cooped up in a giant soup can for any length of time. I went to work one day and told my friend I was going out west. She said she'd go with me. We planned a trip to New Mexico. We went to Albuquerque, Santa Fe, and Taos. By the time we were halfway through the trip, I'd decided to live there. I spent the next year researching cities, towns, and villages by mail. I received brochures from all the counties in New Mexico. Each brochure contained small pictures, or "snippets," of selected places. Well, I got this pamphlet from Colfax County. It gave information about Raton, Springer, Maxwell, and Cimarron. The picture of Cimarron showed mountains and a few tiny,white specks. I decided right there and then that that was where I was going to live. Crazy, huh? The next summer, I visited Cimarron. I connected with a realtor, and the next summer, I moved to New Mexico. I lived there for fourteen years. I met my husband there. I buried half of my mother's ashes in the Mountain View Cemetery in Cimarron.

This past August, my husband and I moved to southern Colorado. It was time to move to a place that offered more amenities. An all day trip to the movies, or the vet's office was wearing thin. I will never regret living in Cimarron. It is a wild and beautiful place. Actually, Cimarron means wild, untamed. I hope to share some stories in my blog from my time in New Mexico, as well as my time in New York. Of course, my new home will also figure into my posts, as will all the other things of interest to me.

Well, it's time for bed...gotta get up early for work tomorrow. In thirty-five days, I'll be a "free woman" for the summer. Teaching has it's perks!