Transcendence

I just got home from school. It's getting crazier by the minute there. The kids and staff are restless and wanting to put an end to another school year. I'm ready for a vacation. I didn't get much of one last year. I spent the first part of the summer looking for houses, trying to get a mortgage, and looking for a teaching position. When all that was taken care of, I had to come up to Colorado to take a workshop for a week. My husband was left to start packing our things in New Mexico. A week later, we moved, and the next week, school began. I went from teaching groups of six first graders to classes of between twenty-five and thirty eighth graders. It was like going from Nirvana (well, not quite) into Dante's ninth circle of hell (well, not quite, but close enough.) I felt sick to my stomach almost everyday for the first couple of weeks. I was terrified. Every morning, when the kids finished breakfast, down in the commons, and started leaping up the stairs I thought I'd leap out of my skin. Picture it... 125 thirteen and fourteen year olds piling into the eighth grade "pod." Kids can "smell" fear and feelings of inadequacy, and, often, they will go in for the "kill." The first few months were very tough. They challenged me, and I desperately tried to maintain control.

Things are better now. I've worked through my fears, which, of course, had nothing to do with the kids. I've learned a great deal about myself by looking at the people and situations the universe has put "in my face." What was I truly afraid of? I was afraid I wasn't up to the task. A very old voice was calling to me saying, "You're not good enough. You're not worthy of their respect." Intellectually, I know that's not true, but old thought patterns die hard. This year's teaching experience has allowed me to get a better picture of what I want and don't want in my life. I'm grateful for the experience. Since I'm new to the district, I'm waiting to hear about next year's assignment. I'm pretty sure I'll have a job, I'm just not sure where, or what , it will be. I'm not worried. No doubt the universe has a plan to move me further along my path. For the moment, I'd like to find a place to rest, just off the path... a nice, grassy spot, next to a bubbling stream, where I can listen to the voice of creation.